Lets back 'tract' a little.
Sitting at the All Staff Safety Training earlier this week, I turned to one of my coworkers and asked, "So, I hear you guys are thinking about dissecting some bull testicles for this year's Sexplorations. Sounds awesome."
"Thats right," Angela said, "We thought of you. We actually have two pig uteri that no one wants to deal with. Mainly because they have been preserved in formaldehyde. You can have at them if you'd like."
Then, the day before the event, I receive an email from my coworker Marcus saying,
"Hey Stephanie, Lili just reeled in a bull sex tract for the event! Can you do something with it?" I instantly agreed, of course, as you do. But I did wonder what it all could possibly 'entail'. (Are you detecting the puns yet?)
Moments like these make me realize that my life is definitely moving forward in a specific and particular direction.
As Marcus prepped me for the event, he mentioned that that the public would simply be strolling by and checking out my goods. (Sorry, you are going to have to deal with this bad sex-pun-high, of which I've been on since the event.) He said that I would be sitting with two High School Explainers, who would be displaying ovaries and cutting open testicles. Great! I thought, nothing could be better than to have two youthful and energetic dissection buddies.
To my surprise, after greeting the excited Explainer lads in the lab while I was prepping the penis and uteri, it was quickly time to walk out onto the public floor like a waitress reeling HEAVY trays of hor d'oevres.
And well, there you all were. Legs crossed, hanging out on the demo station bleachers, hands on your lap, waiting. Patiently.
Like, 80 of you! No joke. It was like you were ready for bed and waiting for me to tell you some sort of erotic bed time story or something. Good god. I mean, yea, sex is great and all, but it made the museum reach its peak... capacity.
So, coming out for this first demo, I had to flip a switch in my brain and not allow myself time to get nervous. When the High School Explainers saw you all sitting there, their eyes widened, turned to me and were like, "Uh, I thought they were going to just be passively walking by?! Can you... fact check us?" My eyes widened too.
Me: "Umm." Long pause.
"I am sure you guys are going to be great!" I had no idea where to even begin myself though. "Just say something. Anything really. We'll be fine, guys. I promise. We've got testicles." And the two of them chose to set off walking around with their trays of gonads like cocktail waiters. It was adorable and the crowd loved it. But they kinda left me all alone at the demo station!
Peeling back the foreskin of the bull penis with my latex gloved hands, I had a grand time asking the crowd, "You having as much fun as I am?"
It was a slippery little thing, and made for some good laughs as I manhandled it.
The shaft of the penis was about 20 inches long, the musculature headed up where it attaches to the pelvis, equally as long. Testes, well, you can see those hanging in the picture here. And it was HEAVY. The crowd loved it when I would pick it up off the tray, cameras yanked out of their pockets. But my arm could only handle this for a minute or so, and I would have to rest the testicles (at least!) upon the tray.
I had a hard time deciphering the difference between sighs of pleasure, excitement or horror, but I think you all had a good time?
So, thanks for coming folks! ...You did come, right? I mean, maybe some of you didn't, but thats only okay with me if its okay with you.